Story Reader / Event Story / Summer Memoir / Story
Glowing Warmth
The moon has fully sunk under the horizon, casting a muted silver glow in the distant sky.
Noan springs the firefly into life, placing it in his palm and letting its warm glow dispel the darkness before dawn.
He lowers his head in silence for a moment before he slowly and softly speaks.
I grew up in a very crammed space.
Beds were packed together. The lucky few got a torn curtain around their beds, but most lived without a rag or a place to sleep.
When everyone was crammed into the same space... Everything happened before your eyes whether you wanted to see it or not—pride to be shown off, shame to be hidden...
Love, sex, hatred, quarrel, theft, robbery, accidents, and murders...
Mothers cried out loud, giving birth amidst the noise of the crowd, while the sick died moaning, ignored by all.
Noan sighs.
...Have you ever heard of the hedgehog's dilemma?
Hedgehogs want to huddle together for warmth in winter, but their spines hurt each other if they get too close. Yet, if they're too far apart, they feel cold.
Humans are no different. They need to keep an appropriate distance from others, not too far, yet not too close.
But in that place, everyone was packed tightly together. When there was no way to maintain proper distance, privacy no longer existed.
In such a situation, how could "hedgehogs" avoid hurting each other?
That's why those who arrived earlier always told me to seek common ground, to hide my own attitudes and goals.
In that environment, I learned not to bring up topics others didn't want to discuss and to ignore what they didn't want to be seen.
If someone only wants to talk about a certain subject, then I'll only discuss that with them.
If someone hides their wounds well, even if I have noticed, I should pretend I didn't see them.
Noan looks earnestly at you as always. The glow from the firefly makes his amber pupils reflect a concealed emotion.
A saint may be able to hold no desires or demands and endure everything. But I'm not a saint. I, too, have people and things I care about so much that I wouldn't take the smallest step back.
I just try not to show these emotions on my face—learned that lesson the hard way when I was a child.
Now, I can speak these words only because you've shared so much with me...
...Exchanging and sharing, that's also a habit of traveling merchants, I guess.
Yeah.
It wasn't important. I just wanted to say...
Your hair... seems to have grown a bit longer since the last time I saw you.
How have you been lately? Everything alright?
Noan nods as he quietly observes you, waiting for the conversation to continue—just like he always does.
And so, just like before, you slowly begin to recount recent events.
Be it minor joys, reports you would rather avoid, the burden of social obligations, or investigations still without leads.
Beyond the troubles, there are many small joys too, like receiving a long-awaited gift, or discovering a new dish at a favorite restaurant that turns out to be surprisingly delicious.
By the time you have told all that could be said, the sky has revealed the first hints of dawn.
He listens attentively to every word, showing great empathy. When you say something glad, his face lights up; when you mention something depressing, he lowers his head in grief.
...It must be tough to handle all of these.
While Noan is not that close to you, he has happened to witness your most exhausted moment and accepted the lazy side of you.
He has always kept them a secret, never mocking you or joking about them.
When you ask him, he always says—
As long as one's alive, it's impossible to be indifferent to everything. Everybody has some moments they feel depressed and want to escape.
Sometimes, you wonder—what does he think of you, when he hears others call you a "hero"?
Huh? Why the sudden question?
Just like what everyone else sees you—humanity's hero, a shining hope, the invincible Gray Raven Commandant... I guess?
You found me at a crossroads... always willing to believe in me, always standing by my side.
Alright... before I answer that question, let me tell you a story.
It is a comic based on the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale. Unlike the traditional tale, the princess in this story wasn't blessed by the fairies.
All those fairies surrounding her were all humans in disguise, yet everyone else believed she was truly blessed.
They expected her to grow into a woman who was capable of doing everything. To them, she was a blessed lucky bastard.
But how could the princess live up to these excessive expectations without the blessing of real fairies?
She had no choice but to study hard day and night, forsaking all the joys that she should have in life.
Yet, people only admired her for her talent and fortune, taking all her achievements for granted... No one acknowledged her efforts.
I guess this is how I see you. So, my answer is "you are more than what they see."
You are more than humanity's hero, their hope, and the invincible commandant. To me, you're also more than someone who believes in me and stands by my side.
To me, you're more like... a person. A person who can feel hurt, tired, and sad.
A person who keeps fighting for people and things they love even if they are covered in scars.
And I like such a person... It is those weaknesses that make you more real. It also means that I'm trusted by you, right?
Be it Constructs or humans, everyone has moments when they're overwhelmed by pain, wanting to cry, or wanting to give up.
Yeah. My mother once said the same to me. I didn't know how to respond back then.
If I could go back in time, I would definitely tell her, "But tears can save myself."
Even heroes in stories have their regrets, let alone us mortals. Don't be too hard on yourself, Commandant.
Yeah. Sunflowers lower their heads at night, not because they are weak. It is just proof that they have not withered inside.
When you're feeling down, you can always come to me.
And then we'll run away together... to a place where we can rest and cry our hearts out.
I'll stay by your side until you feel better.
The "prince" in the story finally woke up the princess from a hundred-year sleep in the castle, allowing time to flow again.
...Which made her time rapidly catch up to the "present" moment. She died in his arms.
Their timelines didn't align, but we can still cherish the present.
Are you saying that we are only allowed to be sad when we are deeply hurt?
Even the people in the story living a peaceful, ordinary life had their own troubles.
People they didn't like, relationships that were hard to maintain, parents who couldn't understand each other, tedious work and chores...
All these things would slowly wear them off and make them exhausted... Just the ordinary day-to-day life can break people down if nothing good happens.
Isn't it too harsh to check if they have the right to be sad or not?
But I know that... there are still many things that you care about here, which is why you're reluctant to take a break.
Do you have anything you really like? Food, flowers, stories, or... people?
When people work hard and don't have the time to rest, they give others the right to heal them. So...
You should seek help from the people and things you love when you're weary and in pain.
...Sure.
He reveals a somewhat lonely smile in the rising sun, then gently nods.
He still has much to say but decides to hold his emotions behind the gap between you and him until granted permission.
...The sun's up. Let's go back, Commandant.
...Of course.
Noan stands up. With one step, he closes the gap between you and him, and leans in once more.
After waiting for an agonizing three seconds and confirming that you would not push him away, he finally holds you tightly.
In that moment, you feel as if he has sighed in relief.
I'm so happy... Really, really happy.
The sunlight pierces through the clouds, casting a soft golden hue over both of you.
Why don't you stay a little longer? Just find an excuse later when you're back.
Should we go somewhere farther when the issues of my frame are solved?
We have a lot of options... I had been to many places when I was a traveling merchant or a cargo captain.
Ruins covered in flowers, bases with burning bonfires, and uncontaminated rivers... There are still many lovely landscapes in this devastated world.
Of course. It's a promise.
